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April 29, 2008
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=========================== TODAY'S ARTICLE ==========================
A Tact Attack, by Rubel Shelly
My wife tells me I'm seriously deficient in the tact department. I tend
to be direct, clear, and forthright. (Those are my terms.) She thinks I
am inclined to err on the side of being a bit abrupt and blunt. (At
least, she fears that my candid manner can be perceived in those
negative ways.)
Even so, I don't think I'm quite as bad as one fellow I heard about.
When Fred went to Europe, he left his beloved dog with his brother Ed.
Three days into his trip, Fred called back to check on things.
"So how is my dog?" he asked.
"He's dead!" replied Ed. No nonsense. Straight to the point.
"What?" screamed Fred. "You can't just hit somebody with news like
that! You have to ease your way into it. Lay some groundwork for it.
Use some tact."
"Explain what you mean," said his brother.
"Maybe you could have said something about Old Fido being up on the
roof. You reassure me you have it under control and that everything is
going to be fine. When I call the next day, maybe you could say he
jumped off and broke his leg, but the vet said he would make a complete
recovery. He's just going to have to spend a few days at the clinic,"
he explained. Are you following me?"
"Sure," said Ed. "I'm not stupid, you know!"
"Okay," Fred continued. "When I call back the next day, you could say
there were complications and that my dog had died. That way it wouldn't
be such a blow. That way you could have gotten me ready for bad news.
Understand?"
"Yes, I've got it," he told him. "I'll try to do better from now on."
Care enough to speak the truth.
"Good," said Fred. "I'm glad that's settled. So how's Aunt Helen?"
"Well," Ed began hesitantly, "she's out on the roof right now."
Some news is hard to receive or to communicate. Some facts are simply
unpleasant. And all of us need a couple of friends who care enough
about us to be really and truly honest with us – and to hold us
accountable. Like Fred, though, all of us would appreciate a modicum of
tact and gentleness thrown in.
If you're struggling today with unpleasant or painful truth that needs
to be shared, you are not doing anyone a favor by avoiding the task.
But think before you speak. Don't use a cover such as "brutal honesty"
to mask what everyone else will see as "honest brutality." No swatting
the fly on a friend's forehead with a meat cleaver! Think and pray
before you speak. Then speak with gentleness.
Solomon had it right: "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an
enemy multiplies kisses" (Proverbs 27:6 NIV). Nobody benefits from
false flattery. Being a "yes man" (or woman) to a person who needs
accountability and loving criticism is a sophistry that will come back
to haunt you.
Be kind and have the right motive. But care enough to speak the truth.
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe
yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and
patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you
may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And
over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together
in perfect unity (Colossians 3:12-14 TNIV).
---------
(c) 2008 Used by permission. From Rubel Shelly's "FAX of Life"
printed each Tuesday. See Faith Matters for previous issues of
the "FAX of Life."
RELATED LINKS:
* Family Messes
http://www.heartlight.org/articles/200610/20061023_messes.html
* The Staying Power of Words
http://www.heartlight.org/articles/200709/20070901_wordstayingpower.html
* I Take it Back!
http://www.heartlight.org/articles/200708/20070830_takeitback.html
* RubelShelly.com
http://www.rubelshelly.com/
This article can be found on the web at:
http://www.heartlight.org/articles/200804/20080429_tact.html
=========================== FEATURED PRODUCT =========================
VELVET ELVIS: REPAINTING THE CHRISTIAN FAITH, by Rob Bell
In this provocative, hopeful book, Bell asks what the church might look
like if today's believers fully embraced "the way" of love, peace,
sharing possessions, compassion, risk, forgiveness, and harmony.
http://shopping.heartlight.org/cgi-shl/link?254
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