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February 12, 2009
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=========================== TODAY'S ARTICLE ==========================
Love Path 911: Desire & Lovemaking, by Joe Beam
Special Note:
Each week, Joe Beam is answering questions submitted by Heartlight.org
subscribers based on his counseling experience, academic research, and
heart for people as a minister. You can submit your questions to
ask@joebeam.com.
Question:
I am a 46 yr old male going on 11 yrs of marriage. I do not have a
strong sexual drive. What should I look into to help pick up my
desire and drive? I have a great wife who has way more drive then I
do. -- T. B.
According to the Bible, the female has sexual needs (1 Corinthians
7:2-5). It isn't just the wife who is commanded to fulfill marital duty
to the husband, but also the husband to the wife. It isn't just her
body that belongs to him but also his body that belongs to her. Kudos
to you for understanding this and wanting to please her.
You ask what you should "look into" to help increase desire.
Interestingly, there are a few aphrodisiacs validated by research.
However, before guiding you to herbs and medicines, I suggest you try
another approach first. It really makes no difference whether a
person's desire is strong, if that person can become adequately aroused
(physically, mentally, and emotionally) and can reach climax. In other
words, you don't have to want to make love to have a good lovemaking
experience. Pursuing the fulfillment of your wife's sexual needs is a
wonderful act of love, especially when you don't have the sexual desire
to do so.
Remember these words from the apostle Paul to early believers in
Ephesus?
* "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21).
Be creative in planning and execution.
* "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and
gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25).
As you recall from Jesus' pleading in the garden, he did not desire the
cross, but he gave the greatest act of love ever known by doing it
because we needed it (Mark 14:36). I'm not comparing your making love
to your wife as equal to Jesus' sacrifice, but it is in the spirit of
his selfless love.
Plan regular lovemaking sessions -- 2 to 3 times a week is best -- and
make them happen whether you feel desire or not. Be creative in
planning and execution, and you likely will discover that your desire
will increase on its own. (My book Becoming One may help.)
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If you have a question about love and relationships, send them to me at
ask@JoeBeam.com. I'll answer 1 or 2 questions each week, using my
counseling experience, academic research, and a deep respect for God's
Word.
And if your marriage is in trouble, we can help. Go to
http://www.JoeBeam.com. Our success rate, even if one partner comes
reluctantly, is three out of four marriages.
Take the Love Path Marriage Compatibility Test!
Find out more about the Love Path 911 "Save Your Marriage Seminar."
---------
(c) 2009 Joe Beam <joe@joebeam.com>.
RELATED LINKS:
* Heart Attack & Intimacy
http://www.heartlight.org/articles/200902/20090205_heartattack.html
* Our God-given Craving for Intimacy
http://www.heartlight.org/articles/200201/20020125_craving.html
* Developing Intimacy
http://www.heartlight.org/articles/200004/20000430_intimacy.html
* Marriage Saver
http://www.marriagesaver.com/
This article can be found on the web at:
http://www.heartlight.org/articles/200902/20090212_desire.html
=========================== FEATURED PRODUCT =========================
WILD AT HEART, by John Eldredge
Helping men rediscover their masculine heart, this is a guide to
understanding Christian manhood and Christian men.
http://shopping.heartlight.org/cgi-shl/link?260
Find more great books, CDs and videos at the Heartlight store! With
each purchase you make, you're helping to support Heartlight's
ministry. Thanks SO MUCH for your help!
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