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February 5, 2009
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=========================== TODAY'S ARTICLE ==========================
Love Path 911: Heart Attack & Intimacy, by Joe Beam
Each week, Joe Beam is answering questions submitted by Heartlight.org
subscribers based on his counselor's experience, academic research, and
heart for people as a minister. You can submit your questions to
ask@joebeam.com. Question:
My husband and I had a great sex life until he had a heart attack.
Now he seems to have no interest. Does a heart attack do that? If
he would just hug me or something -- I don't have to have sex --
just to let me know he still loves me, I think I would feel better.
What is your advice?
Though the Bible speaks often of the brevity of life (Job 7:6-7; Job
9:25-26; Job 14:1; Psalm 78:39; Psalm 90:9; Psalm 103:15-16; and many
others), most of us don't think of our own deaths until we face its
possibility through disease, injury, age, or the death of someone
similar to or loved by us. Thinking of our deaths may cause us to feel
sadness or fear. It may lead us to consider the next life, whether
there is one, and what it will be like (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18). For
some it leads to a type of giving up, because life seems so frail.
Some heart attack survivors worry that sexual activity may induce
another heart attack. The best way to work through that fear is medical
and emotional counseling for both of you. What concerns me more is that
he stopped signs of intimacy such as hugging. That may mean that he is
depressed. Ask him to take an online "test" that measures the
likelihood of depression. If he is, he needs medication until he
overcomes this. A doctor should evaluate that.
Don't allow his distance to make you distant as well.
In the meantime, gently show him affection in a nonsexual way. Hug him
often. Snuggle next to him on the sofa. Cuddle as you sleep. Sometimes
just hold him (Song 2:6). Remind him occasionally of the things you
find wonderful about him (Song 5:10-16). Don't allow his distance to
make you distant as well. Give him the gentle reassurance that comes
only from a loving spouse.
Have Bible reading time together. Choose passages that speak of God's
Spirit, the abundant life (John 10:10), and glory to come (1
Corinthians 15:35-58). Be sure to pray together every day, openly
sharing your heart before God in the hearing of your mate. When he does
the same, his emotional healing will come.
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If you have a question about love and relationships, send them to me at
ask@JoeBeam.com. I'll answer 1 or 2 questions each week, using my
counselor's experience, academic research, and a deep respect for God's
Word.
And if your marriage is in trouble, we can help. Go to
http://www.JoeBeam.com. Our success rate, even if one partner comes
reluctantly, is three out of four marriages.
Take the Love Path Marriage Compatibility Test!
Find out more about the Love Path 911 "Save Your Marriage Seminar."
---------
(c) 2009 Joe Beam <joe@joebeam.com>.
RELATED LINKS:
* Our God-given Craving for Intimacy
http://www.heartlight.org/articles/200201/20020125_craving.html
* Prime Time for Intimacy
http://www.heartlight.org/together/tg_980812_primetime.html
* Bridging the Distance ... of Emotional Intimacy in Your Marriage
http://www.heartlight.org/articles/200106/20010622_bridging.html
* Marriage Saver
http://www.marriagesaver.com/
This article can be found on the web at:
http://www.heartlight.org/articles/200902/20090205_heartattack.html
=========================== FEATURED PRODUCT =========================
EVERY MAN'S BATTLE: WINNING THE WAR ON SEXUAL TEMPTATION ONE VICTORY AT A TIME, by Stephen Arterburn, et. al.
In this compassionate brother-to-brother guide, the authors tackle
sexual temptation head-on, offering a practical battle plan for
men--married or single--who desire to live by God's standard.
http://shopping.heartlight.org/cgi-shl/link?153
Find more great books, CDs and videos at the Heartlight store! With
each purchase you make, you're helping to support Heartlight's
ministry. Thanks SO MUCH for your help!
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